Dirty Mouth
by BornAverage
Summary: Chad discovers Sonny's dirty mouth. One-shot. R&R. Probable OOC in Chad.


_Author's Note: A quick, light one-shot to get you through the week. I won't have time to update _Silence_ at all this week, so hopefully this makes up for it._

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable isn't mine.

Warning: Language! Lots and lots and lots of bad language.

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><p>"MOTHERFU—"<p>

"SONNY MUNROE!" I exclaim, my eyebrows knit in utter shock as I gape at her. I honestly did not know she was capable of speaking such language. In fact, I had no idea they were even in her vocabulary.

She only grimaced, rubbing her thigh. Sonny had banged her leg against the sharp corner of my table in the commissary. I saw the whole thing in slow motion. From the sultry…I mean innocent and pure-of-heart walk past the cafeteria doors, to each long leg stepping closer to my side of the room, to her attention on her cow-printed phone, to the corner of the table stabbing her into her bare thigh, to the instant grab to her leg, to the closing of her eyes, and finally to the beginning of the foul exclamation that was to leave her precious mouth. I'm glad I stopped her from yelling such profanity. That language was just too much. America's Sweetheart should never stoop so low to common swear words. At least, have some originality, Munroe. "Holy Puppy Snot" would work just fine. It suits you.

"Really Chad? You would rather reprimand me on my language, then ask if I'm _alright_?" she cries, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

My eyes shoot to her leg, bulging out as I see the red.

"Shit, Sonny! You're fucking bleeding!"

I personally was not squeamish about blood, but if it was gushing out like a waterfall, like it was doing right now out of Sonny's leg, _then_ I'd freak out. I mean, come on. Why wouldn't anyone freak out over a matter like that? Look at her damn leg! There's so much blood, I'm sure she'd faint soon from the excessive loss!

One of her eyebrows lift, and she gives me a look of concern. As if she was concerned about my mental health. "Chad, it's only a scratch. It's barely even bleeding."

"No, Sonny!" I yell. "It's okay. Luckily for you, Mackenzie is skilled in the 'Art of the First Aid', so I learned a thing or two about medicine. I, Chad Dylan Cooper, will bandage up your wound. Dr. Cooper is on the move!"

And with that said, I suddenly stand from my seat and lift her off the ground. She gives a surprised yelp, arms flinging themselves around my neck. I start to walk out of the commissary towards my dressing room. Sonny starts to yell in my ear, and I grimace in pain as her voice rebounds off my eardrum.

"Chad! Are you shitting me? Fucking put me down right now! I am wearing a fucking skirt! Do you want people to catch of glimpse of my London and France?"

I yell over her angry protests, "This type of foul language doesn't suit you, Ms. Munroe! You need to calm down! Please, censor your language in front of me! I can't take it! It's just too much for me to handle!"

My long legs take even longer strides, and in no less than three minutes, we arrive at my dressing room. She's glaring at me, the grip around my neck tightening with every passing second. Who is this person?

"WHO ARE YOU?" I cry as soon as I put her down. It was a battle to dislodge her snake-like arms from around my neck. "First the swearing, then the attempt at strangling me to death? You're not the Sonny Munroe I know!"

She looks so confused, it's cute. "No, who are _you_? Normal-Chad wouldn't fucking care if I said something random like, 'Flingy-flongy ding dong!' In fact, Normal-Chad would act like his usual nonchalant-self and not question my choice of language. Normal-Chad would never offer to 'bandage up' my so-called 'wound,' but would rather laugh at my clumsiness. Also, Normal-Chad would never lift me off my feet, just so he could run to his dressing room!"

I splutter some nonsense, and turn away so that I could open up the door. It swings on its hinges, hitting the springy-protector-thing on the molding. I cock an eyebrow at the brunette by my side, and gesture towards the open room. I watch as she sighs heavily, rolling her eyes at me, then proceeds to take a step forward into my dressing room, onto the carpet—

"NO!" I exclaim, lifting her off her feet once more. I hurry into the open space, using my foot to slam the door shut, and speed-walk over to the bathroom. Still holding onto Sonny, I push the door open with my foot, and set her down on the linoleum tile.

"Chad, what the hell is your problem?" she screams at me, hitting me repeatedly on the shoulder. I cringe away from her, trying to block her attacks with my hands.

"Sonny, Sonny, Sonny. You actually think I'd let you spill a drop of your blood on my cream carpet?" I ask her as she continues to hit me. "No, I do not think so."

This only makes her beat me some more, and frankly, I do not enjoy it. My beautiful bicep and shoulder is bruising, and that's a no-no. For me, anyway. You can't have a rockin' bod' with internal bleeding discoloration, now could you. Speaking of blood… I dodge her furious hands, and grab her by the waist. She squeals girlishly, and retracts into herself, but that doesn't stop me from lifting her onto the countertop.

She's quiet now, I notice, as I move to grab the first aid kit under the sink. I rummage through the box, taking note of what I have. Hydrogen peroxide, check. Antibiotic ointment, check. Gauze squares, check. Medical tape, check. So, it seems I have all my materials to perform this difficult operation. Oh, wait, I was supposed to say that out loud.

"So, it seems I have all my materials to perform this difficult operation," I repeat, turning to look at her. "It is an extremely time consuming process, Ms. Munroe, but never fear. Dr. Cooper is here."

I send her a wink and chuckle as she rolls her eyes at me for the second time that day…not that I was keeping track. That's ridiculous. Anyway, I continue to ready my materials for the difficult task at hand, starting with the hydrogen peroxide to clean out the wound. I pour a bit of the liquid onto a cotton ball, and proceeded to dab at her cut. The scratch begins to fizz, and Sonny jerks her leg away from my touch.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck, it stings!"

So, I blow on her cut to help stop the pain, and keep on dabbing. I toss the cotton ball out, and pick up a cotton swab for the antibiotic ointment. I spread some on, and then bandage it up with the gauze squares and medical tape, since regular bandages were too small for a wound that size. I look up to her and say in my most official sounding voice, "The operation was successful, Ms. Munroe. You are free to discharge yourself from St. Toilet's Medical Center of Le Bathroom in CDC's Dressing Room and go on to live a happy, normal life."

She has her arms crossed. I'm not sure if that's a good sign, or not, but I feel as if she's studying me. Her brown eyes are narrowed in concentration, and she's looking directly at me. It was making me feel awkward, but all I could do was stare back. A long time seemed to have passed, before she said a word.

"Are you okay?"

I knit my eyebrows in confusion and shift my eyes. "Uh, shouldn't I be asking you that question? I mean, you almost died. I saved your life. So, are _you_ okay?"

She sighs impatiently at me. "No, Chad. I did not almost die. But, I mean… are you okay? You've been really nice to me today. Haven't insulted me or my show once."

Now, I was confused.

"…do you want me to insult you and-slash-or your show?"

"No, of course not, but you do it so often, it's almost routine."

I scoff, "Baby, I'm Chad Dylan Cooper. I have no routine. In fact, routine isn't even in my vocabulary…and that excludes both the times I used it just now. Maybe I wanna change it up, or something? I mean, I am a very exciting and spontaneous person, which means my _life_ should be exciting and spontaneous, as well."

Sonny cocks an eyebrow at me, but I guess she decides to let it slide, since she has no further comment. But, she does one thing. She throws her arms around my neck! And, it wasn't like earlier, where she was trying to anchor herself as she was being carried. She's _hugging_ me. I hold my arms out to my side, confused out of my mind.

"Yo, what gives?"

"I just want to hug, is all," she explains, her breath on my ear. I feel a shiver run up my spine, and decide to return her embrace. It was a nice feeling, but weird at the same time.

"Hey, Chad?" she asks, breath on my ear once more.

"Hm?" I hum in response.

"_Penis._"

I pull away from her, not sure I heard her correctly.

"_What?_"

She shrugs, "You said it wasn't natural of me to swear, so I thought I'd just say words that aren't commonly used in everyday situations."

"…so you decided to say a male sex organ?"

"Vagina."

"Okay, Sonny, this is just weird."

"Whore. Bitch. Skank. Hoe. Slut—"

"Hey, those are words that _are_ used daily—"

"Douche. Dick. Ass. Shit—"

"Okay, this is going TOO far! You need to stop, Sonny. Here, have some Orbit gum. It'll clean your filthy mouth," I say, throwing her a stick of gum. I watch as she plucks the stick off the counter, and how she pops it in her mouth. Chew, chew, chew…

"_Fuck._"

I close my eyes and breathe deeply through my nose. All this swearing from America's Sweetheart was too much for me. Not only was it weird hearing these words from her mouth, but this was the most I have ever heard her cuss in her entire time working here. It was unnatural, because every swear word she let out was coated in a thick layer of honey. Yeah! She was that sweet! It's like pot brownies— a sweet, chocolaty confection that everyone loves. You go to take a bite and could feel how off the texture felt. You look into the brownie, and see some dried marijuana. Then you exclaim, this is not what I expected!

Like how I wasn't expecting so much profanity from Little Miss Sunshine over here. _Whore. Bitch. Skank. Hoe. Slut. Douche. Dick. Ass. Shit. Fuck. _But, as I think about it…I kinda like hearing those words leave her mouth. Spontaneous. Like me. And, it all links back to those pot brownies again. You're so disappointed that you ate a drugged-up dessert, and then you start feeling its affects. It's a good feeling. And you like it. And you want more. You _desperately_ want more.

"…hey, what was that last one you said?"

She looks me dead-straight in the eyes, and enunciates the word very slowly. Like, I was offering her a challenge, and she was accepting. "Fuc—"

My mouth is on hers before she can finish. My hands find their way to her waist, and for the third time that day, her arms intertwine themselves around my neck. I kiss her soundly, increasing the pressure as I fall deeper. Her mouth's so warm, the caress of her lips softer than I could have ever imagined. I taste tentatively with my tongue, and Sonny opens her mouth with a low moan. The sweet mint of her gum filling my nose and mouth.

"_So Random! Cast, report to Stage 3._"

I pull away and rest my head in the crook of her neck. Even her skin smells good. Like, summer berries. I press my lips to the skin of her neck, feeling the vibrations of her giggle.

"Okay, Chad," she laughs, "I have to go."

I nod, and step back to give her enough room to jump off the counter. Before she reaches the door, I call out to her, "Hey, Potty Mouth. Dinner tonight at seven?"

Sonny sends me a toothy grin.

"Sure thing, Doctor Cooper."


End file.
